9 effective ways to comfort someone:
1. Ask them what you can do for them
. The question of how to comfort someone can often be answered by the person you are trying to comfort them with. And in fact, according to somatic therapist Holly Richmond, PhD, you should ask, because everyone finds comfort in different things.
“The first step is to stay curious and ask how someone is feeling and make sure they are ready for comfort,” she explains. the presence of others.
From there, you can ask for whatever feels best for you.
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And as certified couples therapist Alicia Muñoz, LPC, previously told mindbodygreen, you also want to approach the conversation delicately and sensitively. Start with phrases like "I've been thinking about you and wondering what you're up to," "I care about you and want to be with you," and "Is there a specific way you can support right now? ? maybe don't know? ", she suggested. 2. Be a safe place for them to land. Sometimes all we really need from a friend is to know that they are there for us no matter what. According to licensed psychotherapist Sola Togun-Butler, PhD, LCSW, "It's important to create a safe space for a friend to express their feelings." She defines a "safe space" as a communication environment that is "kind, empathetic, and non-judgmental". When you can do that, she once told mindbodygreen, your friend will feel safe talking about how they feel without fear of being judged or belittled.
3. Try something somatic, such as walking. As Richmond notes, some people find it more comfortable and calm to practice somatic body-based exercises like walking, yoga, or hiking. Any of these would be a great option to suggest to your friend to help them get out of their mind and into their body. And when it comes to somatic practice, you don't have to use words; you can just ask them if they want to take a leisurely walk with you. (Some people may even like their ability to move their bodies without having to speak.)
4. Just a comforting presence. And speaking of going wordless, again, sometimes it's better. As Richmond tells mindbodygreen, “just sitting next to someone without talking, just a warm, compassionate presence,” can be comforting.
In this case, take note of the signals you give to help establish trust and a sense of security. According to psychotherapist Megan Bruneau, M.A., things like "eye contact, genuine facial expressions, warmth, and your voice" are all things to keep in mind. 5. Be patient and understanding. Everyone will come at their own pace, so try to be patient and understanding. As sex and sexuality educator Jayda Shuavernnasri previously told mindbodygreen, "Try not to be judgmental about how a person chooses to heal," adding that if your friend engages in destructive behaviors, "be a compassionate friend who can support them to behave in a loving way that is more in line with their values."
4. Just a comforting presence. And speaking of going wordless, again, sometimes it's better. As Richmond tells mindbodygreen, “just sitting next to someone without talking, just a warm, compassionate presence,” can be comforting.
In this case, take note of the signals you give to help establish trust and a sense of security. According to psychotherapist Megan Bruneau, M.A., things like "eye contact, genuine facial expressions, warmth, and your voice" are all things to keep in mind. 5. Be patient and understanding. Everyone will come at their own pace, so try to be patient and understanding. As sex and sexuality educator Jayda Shuavernnasri previously told mindbodygreen, "Try not to be judgmental about how a person chooses to heal," adding that if your friend engages in destructive behaviors, "be a compassionate friend who can support them to behave in a loving way that is more in line with their values."
6. Send them encouraging messages. We all have phones, and that means sending a quick text is one of the easiest ways to let your friends know you're sending them comforting vibes. “When texting in support of someone, I lean toward affirmations and continue to remind that person that the pain they are experiencing is completely normal,” says Shuavernnasri. Treat these messages as a bulletin board, letting them know that their feelings are valid and that they are not alone.
(This is, by the way, a bunch of things to say instead of "sorry for your loss".)
7. Validate them and make them feel understood. Confirmation is the key to comforting a loved one. We all want to feel like we're seen and understood, and it means a lot to give that to a friend in need. Practice active listening and confirm everything he tells you.
According to Bruneau, "The most important ingredient of active listening is empathy: a non-judgmental verbal acknowledgment of one's feelings." You can do this with phrases like, "It looks like you feel [insert appropriate feeling] because of [why they might feel that way]," which opens the door for them to come up with response, Bruneau said. . 8. Make them favors, big or small. When someone needs comfort, they most likely need help with other things, too, whether it's grocery shopping, cooking for themselves, or other forms of pe
rsonal care. You can give them a trip to their favorite coffee shop, bring their own meal, or offer to help them clean the house. Either way, it's a huge relief when you're relieved of even the slightest burden when you need support.
9. Don't give unsolicited advice or try to cheer them up. Last but not least, when we comfort someone, we want to focus on them and appreciate their feelings, not force our views on them. So try to avoid giving advice or words of wisdom, even if you think you have the answer. Your friend will probably feel patronized and that's not pleasant at all.
As relationship expert Margaret Paul, PhD, previously explained to mindbodygreen, unsolicited advice is often interpreted as "directly ignoring their right to self-determination and attempting to control decisions or their feelings", and who wants that?
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